The Latest News...

hmm.. it's the second last night of december... also.. 2008!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

i'm even more scared and frighten by the thought of getting older... *sobS*

Actually.. i'm very scared of growing old.. I want to put the fear off me.. but it's hard..
God! Help Me!
Unexpectedly, i know he can... but then.. sobs again... it's my faith... it's stronger than it used to be.. but... i'm guessing it's still not strong enough for me to confess of my sin openly... getting baptist...

i would really like it.. the thought just thrills me..  reminds me of the song...
*Teenager, Teenager...*

hmm... i really wanted to go Ice-skating tomorrow.. but then... God's will.. not going..


also.. i'm guessing everyone's trying to make their resolutions for the new year...
so.. let me not bother you...
i made a post on that few days ago.. so..
make your resolutions wisely...
another so..
So.. have a good day... take care.. God Bless.. bye bye.. till the next time..

Blog...

Do you have a blog?
Probably... ?
Well... if you're reading this... probably.. you've own a blog.. also.. probably.. you're just a stray...
chances...? 50:50?
not really... there's also possibility of you being my friend.. knowing my blog..
hehe^^

so.. blog or blog... not..
well.. pratically.. some blogs are good..
mine's moderate...
there's also bad blogs...
i know a few.. one of them being own by a friend..
but.. too bad.. you won't get the chance of reading it.. he closed it.. advise from the church's elders.. haha.. good thing too..
vulgar.. yes, obsence, yes... Godly, abit, goody, no!

So... having a blog is huge responsibility.. now that the nations are quite aware of the influence we bloggers can have on our readers... making our posts neautral or pro-government has always been the best thing to do... argh!

That's crap! All those political-blogs are really hm.. what's the word? i won't say it.. think of it yourself... so.. conclusion.. bloggers have huge responsibility... but.. don't get yourseld stressed out.. we willingly created our own blog.. so.. my as well enjoy and do it as properly as you can...

haha.. New year's coming..
Wanna wish everyone a Happy New Year!
Have a good day...

I know.. I know..

Actually... i think.. I feel.. I think i know that.. my blog's a bit boring... as if.. nothing worth reading? nothing interesting... yeah?

hmm.. i think.. also!..
that now the year's almost up..
and a new one is coming..
everyone is making resolutions.. which!
i doubt.. will ever work out..

so.. still thinking of feasible resolutions to make?
don't.. before even making up useless resolutions.. why not think of how to be a better person by just willing them..? instead of having to make up plans and resolutions to actually change yourself?
doubting yourself?

Be The Man !
Do The Right Thing!

Man here means human being..
Being right will mean.. doing the right thing.. also.. be right the right way..

anyway.. i think.. again?... this is all crap... haha.. good day! merry christmas and a happy new year..

The Reason...

With a few weeks before Christmas REMEMBER: Jesus is Better than Santa!
Santa lives at the North Pole.
JESUS is everywhere.
Santa rides in a sleigh
JESUS rides on the wind and walks on the water.
Santa comes but once a year
JESUS is an ever present help.
Santa fills your stockings with goodies
JESUS supplies all your needs.
Santa comes down your chimney uninvited
JESUS stands at your door and knocks. And then enters your heart.
You have to stand in line to see Santa
JESUS is as close as the mention of His name.
Santa lets you sit on his lap
JESUS lets you rest in His arms.
Santa doesn't know your name, all he can say is"Hi little boy or girl,
What's your name?"
JESUS knew our name before we did. Not only does He know our name, He
knows our address too. He knows our history and future and He even knows
how many hairs are on our heads.
Santa has a belly like a bowl full of jelly
JESUS has a heart full of love.
All Santa can offer is HO HO HO
JESUS offers health, help and hope.
Santa says "You better not cry"
JESUS says "Cast all your cares on me for I care for you."
Santa's little helpers make toys
JESUS makes new life, mends wounded hearts,repairs broken homes and
builds mansions.
Santa may make you chuckle but ...
JESUS gives you joy that is your strength.
While Santa puts gifts under your tree ...
JESUS became our gift and died on the tree.

It's obvious there is really no comparison. While there is nothing WRONG
with Santa, we need to remember WHO Christmas is all about. We need to
put Christ back in Christmas. Jesus is still the reason for the season.
May the Lord Bless and Watch over you and your loved ones this Christmas
2008. And may He prosper and bless the work of your hands in the New
Year.

It's Christmas.. Is it not?

I could still remembered last Christmas...
the one in 2007.

I remembered wearing my pink long sleaved shirt, with the custum made vest...
haha... just a few days before i was packed off to NS....

It was my last time at church before going for NS - which i hated.. (i thought of it as a waste of time.. but, God's will... God's will...)
So, I accepted it...

Er... coming back to now..
haha... i got 5 same messages from Sharon... Choo... It was the first thing that happened to me today.... also.. i got a message from Eunice Liu.. she wanted to join the christmas celebration.. well.. so okay.. i got her from the K.T.M station.. and off we were to church...
Service... was as normal... so very God blessed... Ps. Kek preached in English and Ps.Ho translated to Chinese...
after service.. we had lunch.. there was really A LOT of FOOD!!!
i heard the egg tart was good... but I didn't try them.. no idea why..
hmm.. after that.. we hanged out in church.. tidied and cleaned up the church...
Uncle Basil and family, Shimron's,hmm and many many more.. 
after that.. we went to The Mines... some of us played pool i cant tell the difference betweem snooker, pool, 8/9 ball.. and Who Knows What Else....

er.. Then they headed off to the cinema.. *sigh*.. i wasn't able to joined them.. was already late for something.... so i went back...

There was a BBQ party at Yiyi's house.. it rained.. T.T it always rained when we have our bbq... don't know why..
er.. let's skip that part...

hmmm. i was supposed to make Lasagna.. for the second time... i followed everything Aunt. Linda told me.. more cheese.. dryer sauce.. i didn't have time to soften the lasagna sheet in boiling water.. but anyway.. it turn out quite nice.. rather satisfied with the result.. thanks to the Holy Father for everything..

hm.. we had lot's of stuff... bacon, ham, sweet sausages... really good.. squids, prawns... woo-hoo... my mom made coleslaw... i made lasagna, there was sushi,hm.. marinated chicken wings... everything was good.. Amen.

so here I am.. typing this post.. and also missing my friends.. especially the one's from church... and youth camp... *sigh*
also.. I want to wish everyone A Blessed Christmas and A Happy New Year...
CIAO!

A letter from the Saviour...(i wonder where they got all this stuff.. it's really good)

Dear Friend,

  As you got up this morning, i watched you and hoped that you would talk to me even if it was just a few words, asking me opinion or thanking me fr something good that heppened in your life. But i noticed you were too busy trying to find the right outfit to wear to work.
  
  I waited again. When you ran around the house getting ready, I knew there would be a few minutes for you to stop and say hello, but you were too busy. At one point you had to wait fifteen minutes with noting to do except sit on a chair. Then i saw you spring to your feet. I thought you wanted to talk to me, but you ran to the phone and called a friend to get the latest gossips.

  I watched as you went to work and I waited patiently all day long. With all your activities I guess you were too busy to say anything to me. I noticed that before lunch you looked aournd, maybe felt embarrassed to talk to me and that is why you didn't bow your head. You glanced three or four tables over and noticed some of your friends talking to me briefly before they ate, but you didn't. that's okay. there is still time left, and I have hope that you will talk to me even yet.

  You went home and it seems as if you had lots of things to do. After a few of them were done you turned on the TV. I don't know if I like the TV or not, just about anything goes there and you spend a lot of time each day in front of it not thinking about anything but the show. I waited patiently again as you  watched TV an ate your meal, but again you didn't talk to me. As you did your paperwork I waited again while you did what you had to do.

  At bedtime, i guess you felt too tired. After you said goodnight to your family you plopped into bed and fell asleep in no time. That's okay because you may not realise that I always there for you. Ive got patience more than you will ever know. i even want to teach you how to be patient with others as well. Because I love you so much, a long time ago I left a wonderfull place called Heaven and came to Earth. I gave it up so that I be ridiculed. And I even died so you wouldn't have to take my place.

  I love you so much that I waited eveyday for a nod, a prayer, a thought or a heartfelt thank you. It is hard to have a one-sided conversation.
  
  Well, you are about to wake up and once again, I will wait with nothing but love for you, hoping today will give me some time. Have a nice day.

Your Friend,
Jesus Christ.


T.T- *SOBS*

I got it from the camp book.. it's quite nice.. and true...?

Devil's Beastitudes

Blessed are those who are too tired, busy or disorganixed to meet with fellow Chritsians on Sundays each week.
Their hearts are not in it.

Blessed are those who enjoy noticing the mannerism of clergy and choir.
Their hearts are not in it.

Blessed are those Christians who wait to be asked and expect to be thanked.
I can use them.

Blessed are the touchy.
with a bit of luck they may even stop going to church.
They are my missionaries.

Blessed are those who claim to love God at the same time as hating other people.
They are mine forever.

Blessed are the troublemakers.
They shall be called my children.

Blessed are those who have no time to pray.
They are easy prey for me.

Blessed are you when you read this and think it is about other people and no about yourself.
I've got you.

Yuck! Disgusting!

ok.. i recieved this mail from Ps. Andrew..
and LOOK!
it's really gross...

Her name is Han Mi Ok, a Korean celebrity who became known as 'Fan Lady' after her disastrous cosmetic surgery. She underwent 15 reconstructive surgery to overhaul her 'I-don't-think-it-can-be-fix' plastic surgery damage. She apparently became obsessed or addicted to plastic surgery. She even personally performed a facial injection at home. The result…. well you can see it.


She used to look like this before the cosmetic surgery disaster:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Done.. that's that.. we'll leave it as such...
hm.. today's sunday.. so.. i went to the church...
it was nice.. at least i could lessen the feeling of lost...
saw michelle, kendra, jessica and aaron.. + aarony... haha..
the rest were the usuals... i mean.. i do miss the whole lot of campers...

stayed for lunch... helped out abit with the cleaning.. and hope to be of help on tuesday.. i don't want to get stressed out because David and his family will be coming over... on that day... i just don't feel like seeing them..

no offence.. i really don't feel like seeing them...
i just want to spend the rest of my life in church... ain't that nice?

today?

I think I'm gonna repost The Lord's Prayer again... so many people's looked at it... i mean other people .. people i don't know..  all except you guys.. so to encourage it.. I think I'm gonna repost it..

er... today was good.. okay la.. all the days are good when you're still alive... cause there is still opportunity.. to do better...
err.. the sink in the kitchen leaked very badly this morning.. so guess what? we(some of us at home) had to take out every single thing underneath the sink.. it was like OMG.. there were so much stuff there..
i found an ice-cream maker... frier, super ancient coffee, hmm.. lots of tea-sets, plate, silverware, and some other nice stuffs... hm.. i also found a very nice slow cooker.. it was made-out of clay.. LOL! i always wanted 1.. and there it was.. under the sink all this while... well. there were also some other stuffs such as... hmm.. china cups, plates, glass bowls.. and some of crystals... wow!

and we had dinner out.. with my grandmother, uncles, and aunt... at some restaurant.. not really exciting.. my aunt came up from Singapore to visit granma.. 
well. i guess that's everything..

STROKE

Blood Clots/Stroke - They Now Have a Fourth Indicator, theTongue.


I will continue to forward this every time it comes around!


STROKE: Remember The 1st Three Letters....S.T.R.

My nurse friend sent this and encouraged me to post it and spread the word.
I agree.
If everyone can remember something this simple, we could save some folks.
Seriously..
Please read:

STROKE IDENTIFICATION:

During a BBQ, a friend stumbled and took a little fall - she assured everyone
that she was fine (they offered to call paramedics) .......she said she had
just tripped over a brick because of her new shoes.
They got her cleaned up and got her a new plate of food. While she appeared
a bit shaken up, Ingrid went about enjoying herself the rest of the evening
Ingrid's husband called later telling everyone that his wife had bee n taken
to the hospital - (at 6:00 pm Ingrid passed away.) She had suffered a stroke
at the BBQ. Had they known how to identify the signs of a stroke, perhaps
Ingrid would be with us today. Some don't die.... they end up in a helpless,
hopeless condition instead.

It only takes a minute to read this...

A neurologist says that if he can get to a stroke victim within 3 hours
he can totally reverse the effects of a stroke...totally. He said
the trick was getting a stroke recognized, diagnosed, and then getting
the patient medically cared for within 3 hours, which is tough.
RECOGNIZING A STROKE

Thank God for the sense to remember the '3' steps, STR . Read
and Learn!
Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify. Unfortunately,
the lack of awareness spells disaster. The stroke victim may suffer severe
brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke.

Now doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple
questions:

S *Ask the individual to SMILE.
T *Ask the person to TALK and SPEAK A SIMPLE SENTENCE (Coherently)
(i.e. It is sunny out today)
R *Ask him or her to RAISE BOTH ARMS.

If he or she has trouble with ANY ONE of these tasks,
call 911 immediately and describe the symptoms to the dispatcher.

New Sign of a Stroke -------- Stick out Your Tongue
NOTE: Another 'sign' of a stroke is this: Ask the person to 'stick' out
his tongue.. If the tongue is 'crooked', if it goes to one side or the
other, that is also an indication of a stroke.

A cardiologist says if everyone who gets this e-mail sends it to
10 people; you can bet that at least one life will be saved.

I'm Back... hehe^^ from youthcamp

er.. actually i was back yesterday....

well.
Youthcamp 2008
Theme - Fleeing Youthfull Lust
Venue - Lautan Biru Resort, Mersing, Johor
Date - 15th - 18th December 2008

15th of December
Had to wake up early.... in terms of not being late to meet at church before the bus leaves.
okay. okay... Had to pick Eunice and Yvone from K.T.M, which i did... And...
off we were to church... Saw everyone... *sigh* I never kner how much i missed them...
coming back to church... er.. we gathered.. and at about 9 a.m we departed to our destination, Mersing, Johor.
The journey was, hmmm, not very exciting but fun in a way...
We stopped by at the Senawang toll station to pick up the Malacca members
Then.. we continued on to Mersing...

looking beyond....


GotCha.. HEHE^^


Lookie... I got MORE!!! WAHAHAHA

16th of December...
Woke up at 7 something, a.m, and had breakfast...
after that we had our morning devotion....
hmm.. our topic was knowing The Love Of God...
splited in to 4 devotions...  today we did 2...
Then.. our main course... the talk.. our speaker? Pastor Andrew Liu...
Talk #1 How to Overcome Lust

At 11a.m after the talk and short break.. we had a movie.. Facing the Giants... which was touching and cool... the fact was that the movie was all done and directed by a church in the U.S.

After Lunch we had some Games... Shimron organized it.. Good Job! Shimron!

Dinner then off to our second talk...
Talk#2 Flirting and be fallen...

After which we had our free time till the next day...

17th of December...
today's the last night we spend together...
It's really saddening to know we cant have youth camp... i mean, this spending time together cant be forever....
after the morning devotion we had our last and final talk... which includes concluding everything the pastor had said...
Talk #3 Fleeing and be Freed

Right after that we had our second movie... i cant recall the name but it's about the Zachariah and his wife, Elizibeth. Mary and Joseph, how God willed everything to be at place for the birth of Christ Jesus...

I think i'm out of vocaulary on how to start a sentence... I've been using "after that" alot!

In the afternoon, we had TELEMATCH, well.. having telematches are one of the 'tradition' of having a camp... ok la.. lets come back...

er.. we had tug-a-war.. USING water hose! haha.. topped with having the hose and the floor soaped! it was fun.. i fell got my knee scratched and infected.. i had pus on it afterwards.. ewww

after dinner, we were briefed on our presentation.. i really love the way they did it this year... compared to the older camps.. this is really good...
they had us discuss our presentation in one and a half hours... all the thinking, brain-storming, cracking the head for stories... haha.. at least it as better then having to do it on the first day , second day with nothing, ok la.. maybe a bit, and cracking the head and preparing it from morning till the time of presentation... i mean.. isn't it stresfull?

To cut the long story short.. we, as in us, all campers, created, prepared and wrapped up everything in one and a half hour.. it was really fruitfull...
hah!
after that.. each group did their presentation.. which was ah, beyond words... i'm just lazy to explain every single detail...
well.. after which was campfire time..
which, having a camp fire and sitting around it with nothing to do except either to star-gaze or fire gazing... *sigh*
after some moment of boredom.. we, some of use, got the guitar and start playing and singing.. having a merry time.. we sang and sang .. and sang.. hahaa..... and wondered back to our hmmm..  place we were staying... and went our separate ways. everyone had their own happy time... games, ping pong, cards, chat group, singing, and some others...

blah, blah, blah  and it was morning! *sobs*
I had a couple hours of shut-eye... and was off to devotion... yeah.. i didn't know how i managed it.. but Thank God I did...
followed by the Q & A session.. i didn't really got my question answer.. I don't think I asked it properly... well.. never mind.. i still have many other opportunity to ask it...

We, us all, packed and cleaned the place up and after Lunch, we were home-bound... *sigh* there goes it.. all the excitement has come to the end...

The end..


The - Us.. wahaha...



my team... i really love u guys...

Bored

I'm bored.. meaning.. i cant' find anything to do...
really... i'm just not in the mood...
i wanna read my Bible.. where is it?

bored is actually self-inflicted... i mean.. it's acutally the fault of the person who feels bored...
you feel bored because you've got nothing to do.. or.. u don't want to do anything..

Actually.. i've done 'part' of my BM project.. hahaha..
out of 5 topics which i was supposed to do.. i did 1.. yay!!! really.. i completed it.. and i feel really good about it.. it's a good acomplishment.. wahahaha... (self-praise is NO praise) ble^^
come on la.. i tried my best.. so what not to feel good?

ok la.. i'm tired.. i'm abit lacking in rest and sleep.. *yawn*
NITE!

Just a Thought...

i was wondering... what would have happened 'if' i did this and 'if i did that?
would my life be better?

I know this is often ask by any individuals..
but still.. we ask...

it's not wrong.. and yet.. not right either..
guess that's just being a normal human.... always so full of question... "Why?", "What?", "How?", "When?", "Where?".. and "Huh?"

yeah... that's us...  oh yeah.. there's also the "what if?" ARGH!
wanna know when u guys will ask these kind of question? well.. i've notice that ONLY when we have nothing to do... these kind of stuffs will come to us by itself...

THAT'S WHY... humans should never be alone...
err.. it's just an opinion... so.. err.. i guess i'll just sign off here...
CIAO!

I've created a Facebook Account...

Really... Acutally.. i find facebook nicer... compared to friendster.. haha.. add me ya..
at eugenec90@gmail.com
hehe^^

PS: WHY IS MY CHATBOX LEFT TO ROT?

A promise is a promise

well as promise..
i'm gonna do a post about the trip of mine to Perak....

hmm.. lets see..  oh ya..
On the first day.... the 4th.... of december....
we were suppose to meet at the school or.. be at the school by 7.30a.m.
i was there at about 7?
i was so blur.. because i slept at 3 something in the morning watching OnePiece!!!(nice anime)
well... talking about sleeping late.... that's super late?
er... i saw Anne... carrying a much super smaller luggage bag compared to mine.. which was 3 times hers?
i also saw Cedric.. LOL... and Prabhu... huh? and... and .... and.. also... Shazlin... haha
they were backups.. it seemed...
ok la... lets skip the crap...
we had 'nasi lemak' provided by the school....
then finally we were off to perak..
First Destination: Gua Tempurung...
i slept through most of the way.... but somehow.. cedric got a photo of me doing that... i couldn't get it.. he was rather unwilling... but never mine...
the cave was nice... there actually a few route of different dificulty... we took the easiest one... all because of some teachers.(i heard)
took us quite long to get settle to set off to on the journey... to the cave...
it was beautifull.. the caves... even though we took the easiest route.... it was breath-taking.... (no complains)
after that.. we washed up and got ready for our second destination..
: UTP-Universiti Teknologi Petronas
- which was so cool..
the structure of all the buildings were.... very very architectured... modern.... err... quite quite... high-tech looking....
and also.. the library... argh! here... photoes...

where was this?

cool?

how big it looks with me in it...

amazing...

and high too...
after that... we were off to our Hotel!
:-Swiss-Garden Golf Resort & Spa Damai Laut
haha.. it was late then... most of the facilties were not avaible after 7.p.m
so.. well...
we had dinner... buffet style.. haha
quite cool leh... really...
then... we were supposed to have some activities later in the night... but it was canceled due to the rain.. which was actually just a drizzle.... well.. what to do? NOTHING!
er... well...
that night... i suggested we went to the bar... LOL.... also.. buying some beer.. OMG!
well i did it.... haha... Heineken... i really like the taste... and also.. I actually have a high tolerence of beer... good thing...!
well.. cedric and i shared a small bottle... prabhu and shazlin.. and another guy... some super low form guy... got juices....
SUDDENLY! Mr.Chin(our Teacher of Ko-kurikulum) came... it was like OMG! we were having beers in our glasses... scared the hell out of me.. haha.... then one by one.. the teachers started coming.. oh no.... i was sure we were going to be caught.. but by God-will... we were spared... Thank God...
er... heres the photo of us in Iguanna Bar..

Cheers!

after that we went back to our apartment.. T.T.. not Hotel...
hmm.. i was watching tv... shazling took his long bath... in the tub...
cedric and prabhu went missing....
after sometime..  both of them came back... with a bottle of beer each.. LOL... er.. prabhu to a sip a gave up.. really.. no joke... just a sip.... he didn't like the taste.. pity him.. and also cedric... took just a quarter of beer.... and then guess what?
Both of them gave theirs' to me.... well.. i finished it... told you.. i love heineken....
it keep me awake till 2 something 3... argh!....
in the end.. i slept... zZzZzZzZZZZZZ.....

Second day.. -Last day...
we had to wake up quite early.. not because of the activities... but of prabhu enthusiastic outburst.... LOL.. why did he have to wake up so early? and had to wake us up?
well.. we had breakfast.. and had some telematch... haha.. quite fun though..
after that.. we had free time...! WOO-HOO.... wahahaha... i was the first to jump into the pool.. aicks! played in it... for a couple of hours.. then i went into the sauna... haha.. spent close to an hour in it.... the photoes are not with me...  *sigh*

after that.. we had lunch... and checked out of our apartment... bye bye - Swiss-Garden Golf Resort & Spa Damai Laut....

Next Stop: Lumut Waterfront
but.. before that... we(cedric, Prabhu and I) took a bicycle trip around Swiss-Garden Golf Resort & Spa Damai Laut... here are the photoes we took... courtesy of Cedric's





i guess that's all...
er.. yeah.. Lumut...
we spent some time there... the other bought some stuffs...
and off we were... home bound....
*PHEW*
finally.. i'm done..
ok.. ciao for now...

NOOOOOOOOOOO

I was wondering.. what should i blog about today...
CEDRIC HAS NOT SEND ME THE PICTURES OF THE TRIP!!! NOOOOOOO
i really don't know what to blog....
i've registered in facebook
add me...? eugenec90@gmail.com

hm.... i was also wondering.. how come my youthsay account's not giving me any money... for about a few days... whats' going on?

and also.. i plan to play badminton this friday.. but who to ask? my phone's credit's expired...
ganesh's off.. so i think Sean's also off... kok hoong no problem.. what? only the 4 of us? where got fun? i want to ask Sau li and Xin Yun.. MY PHONE! DAMN!...

hmm... what else? i have to book the hall earlier... hmmm....
and i'll prbably get the photoes now... coz he's online.. YIPPEE!

and what else?.. i guess that's all.. the photoes will be exposed with the story tomorrow... arigato... buh-bye-ah

Tomorrow... Tomorrow... Tomorrow...

I'll do the update on my trip tomorrow... so sorry...
I've not gotten my photoes.... will do it the moment I them... haha
have a go at the blog before this....
it's a good story.... i mean a good real life story...

A TEENAGER'S VIEW OF HEAVEN

I recieved this through mail... very touching... happened quite recently too...
copy and pass it on if u like it.... and if u believe... ~~

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

17-year-old Brian Moore had only a short time to write something for a class. The subject was what Heaven was like. 'I wowed 'em,' he later told his father, Bruce. 'It's a killer. It's the bomb. It's the best thing I ever wrote..'

It also was the last.

Brian Moore died May 27, 1997, the day after Memorial Day. He was driving home from a friend's house when his car went off Bulen-Pierce Road in Pickaway County and struck a utility pole. He emerged from the wreck unharmed but stepped on a downed power line and was electrocuted.

The Moores framed a copy of Brian's essay and hung it among the family portraits in the living room. 'I think God used him to make a point. I think we were meant to find it and make something out of it,' Mrs. Moore said of the essay. She and her husband want to share their son's vision of life after death. 'I'm happy for Brian. I know he's in heaven. I know I'll see him.'


Brian's Essay: The Room...

In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room. There were no distinguishing features except for the one wall covered with small index card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endless in either direction, had very different headings.

As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read 'Girls I have liked.' I opened it and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one. And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was.

This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life.

Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn't match. A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching.

A file named 'Friends' was next to one marked 'Friends I have betrayed.'

The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird 'Books I Have Read, 'Lies I Have Told,' 'Comfort I have Given,' 'Jokes I Have Laughed at.'

Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: 'Things I've yelled at my brothers.' Others I couldn't laugh at: 'Things I Have Done in My Anger', 'Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath at My Parents.' I never ceased to be surprised by the contents.

Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes fewer than I hoped.

I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived. Could it be possible that I had the time in my years to fill each of these thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature

When I pulled out the file marked 'TV Shows I have watched', I realized the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn't found the end of the file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of shows but more by the vast time

I knew that file represented.

When I came to a file marked 'Lustful Thoughts,' I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content.

I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded. An almost animal rage broke on me. One thought dominated my mind: No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!' In insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didn't matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it.

Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh. And then I saw it.. The title bore 'People I Have Shared the Gospel With.' The handle was brighter than those around it,seemed newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand.

And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that they hurt. They started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried.

I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him.

No, please not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus. I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn't bear to watch His response. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own.

He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did He have to read every one? Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn't anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again.

He walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said so many things.

But He didn't say a word. He just cried with me.

Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card. 'No!' I shouted rushing to Him.

All I could find to say was 'No, no,' as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn't be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood. He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards. I don't think I'll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side.

He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, 'It is finished.' I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door. There were still cards to be written.

'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.' - Phil. 4:13 'For God so loved the world that He gave His only son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.'

The Stairway to Heaven... all through Jesus Christ the Saviour

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I'm Back

I'm back from Sitiawan... from the school's trip.. not from visiting my grandmother...
er... i'll eloborate more tomorrow.. really tired....
PLUS => PICTURES! i didn't bring my camera.. so all the pictures i took are with everyone else except me.. *sigh*
chow! i'm sleepy..

LOL

haha...
PROMOTION:

MPH having a carnival in The Mines. Serdang.
today till the 7th of december....the books are really cheap...
same goes with the new books.... hm... many varieties... RM15, Rm5, Rm2, and Rm1 - for chic lit, novels, fictions and non-fictions... and all the other kind of genre... which is VERY COOL!

lol
i went...
it was cool...
woohoo
i bought 17 books...
price?
RM46 alltogether...
lol... damned nice...
i want to go again...
more books.....
keke^^

PS:i wont be blogging tomorrow... school trip to Perak... will be back on the friday...

Misses

I miss...
my love,

my family,
my friends,
my children,

my mates,
my head,
my God,

my books,

my death,

my time,

my coffin,

my darkness,

my flowers,

my dreams,

my misses...

*sigh*
they've been gone for quite a while now...
how long do i have to wait for their return...?

Life...

I would gladly give up living...
If!... i could have it my way....
but life's not about me....
so that's that...

i have to continue living.... on borrowed time.. to the very best...
i dream.. but then.. it'll be all but a dream...
i hope... also... it'll be all nothing but a hope..

so.. my life is practically not mine...
i just wanna bide my time... take everything slowly and comfortably...
i see life moving like a walking tortoise.... every pace and step so carefull and stable...
but sometimes.. it could really fly... no joke..

i can't really crap much... i'm tired....
my stamina's not return after the sickness.. i have to gain it back... slowly but surely..
i do wish i would sleep and never wake up... that would be nice....
to be able to disconnect from this world... a world God created, but ruined by humans....
HUMPH! story? that's me these days.... waiting for my dearest to come back to me is turning my desprate and gloomy...
live.. live for the ones you love.. for them only.. live your live...
shhh... he's sleeping....

Till Now...

What have i done up till now...?
Exactly NOTHING!

Okay...
i recieved my fortnightly copy of Times... ahaha...
er.. i'm stuck here... LOL
i wonder what wrong..

currently listening to
Nickeback - Gotta be Someone

i'm dumbed.... really dumbed... lol

ok.. dead.. err...
i'll tell a story tomoro.. lol....